I am moving a week from today. I have so very much to do and I had no idea packing up my house would be such an emotionally fucked up thing. I keep finding pictures, knickknacks whatever that just serve to remind me of what I don't have right now and may never have again and I feel like taking everything apart and packing it all up is dismantling what is left of us and just putting it in some boxes to be packed away. It's been really hard and I am often on the verge of tears-- but I cannot even seem to cry properly-- I start and everything just feels all blocked up and it just stops almost immediately. Maybe I will find the right shoulder to cry on down there at home and just let go. I just need someone to hold onto me tight like they care and just tell me everything is gonna be fine; but it won't happen here. Maybe once I get home. I am moving into the house of a friend down in Austin-- basically renting a bedroom and so probably over 90% of what I have is just going into storage... Phew. I just have to keep on working and get this done. I just have to keep on working and get this done.