well, it's been a while. things have been good in some ways back here-- and bad in others. living situation is possibly not all that stable. just got all my stuff moved in- not sure now how long i will be there. my roomie/landlady is real nonconfrontational and asked a friend of mine (a couple of times) how long i am planning on staying. this added stress has done me no good and threw me into an anxiety tailspin last night. i have been missing A quite a bit lately, for some reason or other. i seem to be quite fully capable of being lonely, sad, and miserable here in Austin. had some pretty big suicidal thoughts the other day-- thinking about how all my things are all in the storage unit. the messy state of my belongings has been the thing that stopped me from suiciding in the past--- i don't want my loved ones to have to deal with cleaning up all my stuff. i don't have that to stop me now.so i have to stay on my toes