Well, my therapist really thinks I have made a lot of progress.  I feel I have, too. I have my moments of doubt and pain and freakiness, for sure -- lots of them are chronicled on this here blog thing.
A moves to LA this weekend sometime. We spoke yesterday, not bad as far as our conversations go these days. There's a definite iciness to her that is almost palpable.. she's very much trying to protect herself and I can understand that.  I have had a lot of realizations about things and tried to tell her in this note:

          "   Nice to talk to you today. Look... there's some stuff I want to say and I hope you will listen or read this slowly and think about it. This is from the heart, A.
I really want happiness for you. I love you. And what I mean when I say that is that you are precious to me. Period. You are. And have been. And will be. No matter what.
I do not blame you for what has happened. I also know it is not all my fault. I do not hate you for all of this. I am not the biggest fan of the situation, but so be it. This is not how I would have chosen things to be. It was not my choice to make, though. I am accepting the situation, and looking for what choices do exist for me to make. Choosing to find the good that can arise from this situation is one thing. I am doing that. Growing and learning. My therapist is pretty amazed at how well I have handled things and how I have been doing.
Choosing to let go of resentments and forgive where necessary is another.

I am choosing to explore my feelings good and bad and learn about myself and what and who is inside. I am finding that I am a lot stronger than either of us thought. So much of my life is in a state of chaos right now, but I am choosing to be the still point at the center.
I am choosing to learn what lessons I can from all this and there are a lot. If this was school I would say that you are a tough teacher, but i have learned a lot in your class. I am choosing to learn to be the guy I wish I had been able to be for you in the past. Maybe you'll meet him sometime.
I am choosing to wish for your happiness and inner peace. I do really love you and only want the best for you and your life, A . Remember my note to my mom about how she has taught me a lot abnout unconditional love? So have you.
You are a dear, dear person. I am learning to see the gray in life (not just blacks and whites) and I still know you are pretty wonderful-- in a lot of ways you probably don't know. Please take care and know you are loved immensely and unconditionally and forever. And someone out here (hopefully in Texas really soon!) has always got your back.

Now go back and read it again please... I really mean all of this.
Yours Truly,
J"

I hope she is ready to understand and believe this.